Seminary Skeptic

We’ve all walked into the wrong room and immediately recognized that we don’t belong. Maybe we interrupted a meeting, maybe we stumbled in an occupied bathroom or dressing room, or we found ourselves at a party underdressed. Or perhaps you’ve been singled out. My capability is often questioned based on how old I look. Just today, I had three people in my office either questioning my ability or asking to see an adult. (I’m almost 22 for reference.) If you’re anything like me, you feel the weight of everyone’s eyes and the blood rushing to your face.

Applying to seminary gave me a similar feeling. With no desire to become a pastor, I couldn’t immediately see myself studying beside the next Tim Keller. For Pete’s sake, I still look like a freshman in college. I expressed to a new friend a couple weeks ago I was scared even with my life long walk with Christ and my 12+ years in Christian education that I would be unprepared for seminary. I try to recall at least one memorized passage of scripture from high school, and I can’t. If I can’t say John 3:16 in the original Greek who am I to go to seminary? 

Fears aside, I didn’t know if seminary was right for me. But I applied anyway. Originally I thought I might apply for a masters in counseling, a degree that made sense practically and financially. But when I submitted my application, I selected a masters of religion. 

“…but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,”  1 Peter 3:15

I couldn’t ignore what I loved to study the most. At the risk of sounding cliche, religion is so incredible. It motivates and drives believers of all sorts of faiths to shape their relationships, businesses, calendars, and goals after particular scriptures or traditions. Religion impacts our world more than we care to admit at times, even if one claims he has no faith or trust in a higher being. Studying theology, spirituality, and Christian apologetics excites me. My hope, at least in this moment, is to write a book or two and teach.

God picks up the phone to talk in weird ways: a burning bush, angelic interruptions, or talking animals. Fortunately Moses, Mary, and Balaam listened. In those moments where anyone would feel more comfortable saying “wrong number, sorry!” they trusted God. Easier to say than practice, but fortunately God does not, nor will He ever, expect perfection from us on human terms. He calls in the midst of weakness, our feelings of insufficiency and even skepticism to invite us into a greater story and true purpose. His love, as abstract as it sounds or feels at times, propels us into the best life we could have never thought to ask for. 

“God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live . . . loved.” -Lysa TerKeurst 

Aaron and I are thrilled to be moving to Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary and take another step in ministry. I have been awarded a full tuition scholarship, by the grace of God and have the opportunity to learn more about supporting a ministry, personal finance, and fundraising through the Partnership Program. If you’re interested in how to pray or partner with us, please let me know. We’d love to hear from you!

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