These last two months have held both major milestones and some major meltdowns. In May, Aaron graduated with his bachelors in Biblical Studies from Gordon College and we moved. We’ve unpacked at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary in Hamilton, Massachusetts. Later this week, as June comes to a close, we’ll be hosting family and friends as we celebrate our marriage, almost a year after the fact.
As wonderful as all of these things are, I’ve really struggled enjoying them to the fullest. In May I started a second job at our local church as the creative and administrative director. In combination with my advocacy job, my days have been long and have very often worn me very thin.
May was extremely hard for me. I just started raising awareness about my preliminary acceptance into the seminary’s Partnership Program. This program teaches participants how to Biblically steward their finances while building their ministries. Participants start learning how to fundraise right away by gathering support from churches, loved ones, and even businesses or other non-profits. Gathered support is collected into the school’s general scholarship fund out of which participants and other students receive a full-tuition scholarships, including me! With everything else on my plate, this program was intimidating and I worried that I would not be able to make the deadlines.
I felt defeated. Maybe I set myself up for failure? I worked long days already, barely made dinner most evenings, and did not sleep well at night. I couldn’t do it, I thought. I prayed and searched for peace and provision. Just like a three-year-old I stamped my foot at God wondering if He heard me. Upset with myself and very stressed, I had to let go. It was taking too much energy to be this worried. I had to stop thinking, number one, that I could do anything on my own, and number two, that God needed a reminder to be faithful.
God’s hearing is never selective, nor does He need us to remind Him of His own identity. Usually, those are OUR issues. While my deadlines still exist, my worries do not. I am still looking for partners, and I trust the Lord will continue to work through the details I cannot see or do myself.
At this moment, Aaron and I are enjoying spending time with family and friends from all around the country as they join us for our wedding celebration. There is still much to do to prepare, but it’s all coming together. This is SUCH an exciting time of life and I am determined to enjoy it.