On Holy Doubt & Thomas the Apostle
Thomas the Apostle, often known as “Doubting Thomas” is one of my favorite characters in scripture. From what the Gospels and church history share, he and I may have had a few things in common: a strong love for Christ and an undeniable curiosity. Today, December 21, is not only the darkest day of the year, it’s also St. Thomas’ feast day in the liturgical calendar.
Thomas is mentioned through out the Gospels, but is only given a voice in John. It is here we get a glimpse into his bravery and devotion to Christ.
As Jesus receives news of Lazarus’ death and plans to go back to Judea, the disciples become concerned for their safety. Thomas is not so deterred. “Then Thomas (also known as Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.” (John 11:16)
We also notice he isn’t afraid of asking questions.
Later in John, Jesus is describing how he will be going ahead to prepare a place for God’s people. Jesus tells his disciples, “You know the way to the place where I am going.“ At the risk of sounding foolish, Thomas asks the question that’s most likely on everyone’s mind. “Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” (John 14:15) His childlike question leads me to believe he felt comfortable with Jesus.
Near the end of John’s gospel in 20:25, Thomas’ doubt allows him to draw nearer to Christ. His skepticism does not automatically sever his faith, rather he is invited to move towards Jesus. His curious eyes and hands reach out to touch Christ’s wounded, resurrected body. Holy wonder, holy curiosity, holy how-can-this-be? I can only imagine how it must have felt when Christ warmly welcomed Thomas over to touch his scars. We aren’t sure how long it was between Christ’s invitation and Thomas’ realization – but Thomas’ response tells us everything we need to know.
While we as Christians must be comfortable with the unknown – the things which are beyond understanding, accepted only by faith – we are also a people who know God, who experience Him first-hand and “touch” Him as Thomas did. Our Christian life is really a combination of experience (proof) and trust (faith). It can be expressed by these simple words: “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)
— Fr. Matthew Swehla, St. John the Baptist Greek Orthodox Church, emphasis added
After the ascension of Jesus, Thomas the apostle is thought to have lived a generous and compassionate life. It is said he ministered to the poor and underserved. He traveled and shared the Good News with many. Some say he reached India and spent significant time building churches.
Thomas’ life reminds me again and again that grief and doubt do not have to be walls which separate us from rich, devoted faith. Doubt and belief are not enemies. On the contrary, God’s Love eternally moves towards us and invites us into deeper wonder. In our own lives, we can be reassured God is present with us as we hear, discern, and respond to divine invitations.
To read more on the events and people included in the church year, click here.
