Preparing for a Quiet Christmastide

Some of my earliest Christmas memories include romping through our snowy backwoods to chop down the perfect tree. Although it was usually a lanky one, we decorated it with my parents’ childhood ornaments and my keepsake Barbie collectibles. (Oh, what a sight!) On Christmas Eve I strained my ear towards the bedroom door, hoping to catch the sounds of a mysterious, jolly gentleman delivering gifts. Even when I learned that jolly visitor was actually my parents, I still got giddy over the magic of tree lights, the thrill of unwrapping presents, and the food that came soon after.

Although I have fond memories of Christmas growing up, I developed a distaste for it in my adult years in two ways. First, I realized how much work it takes to carry on holiday traditions. In my experience, much of the creative and pragmatic preparation of Christmas tends to fall on me. (This is a gendered phenomenon common in households everywhere.) The responsibility and mental load of preparing all month for a single day left little room for fun or rest. In small ways it felt performative and on the worst days, competitive.

From a second angle, the way we (meaning many Americans) celebrate the Biblical story is so far removed from the nature of the actual or assumed events around the divine birth. Even if we have the best intentions, we can all fall prey to materialism. I know I do. For me, especially after I gave birth, I wondered what the days following the birth of this baby mean to Mary and Joseph. I imagined Mary, likely still bleeding, taking it slow through the residual contractions that closed her womb. Sleepless nights ensued. She and Joseph quickly learned to adapt to the sacred newborn rhythms, feeding, burping, and rocking the baby.

An Unhurried Christmas

Originally intended to represent the journey of the magi to the manger, these twelve days for the holy family were likely some of the most tender and vulnerable they’d experienced. Family and other caretakers likely provided food, listened to Mary’s birth story (again) and held the baby to give the two parents some rest. These were unhurried days. Yet, our society commemorates them by scrambling towards a commercialized interpretation. It cheapens the whole story. Ironic, no?

This is one of the main reasons why I need twelve days of Christmas, rather than a single day. When I discovered the liturgical reality behind the popular carol, I was so relieved to have 11 extra days to “spread Christmas cheer” through slow, thoughtful activities. Instead of a deadline or a due date, December 25th symbolizes an open door into a new period of celebration. I believe this honors my family but also the postpartum paradox of tender strength exhibited by Mary. Last year this allowed us to truly savor the meaning behind not only the family time, but also the special symbols and usual festivities.

Ideas for a Quiet Christmastide

Unless you’ve already taken me as a modern Scrooge, rest assured I still love Christmas very much. You may not find me in an ugly sweater, but I am soaking up Christmas lights, simmer pots, warm blankets, and good movies with my family. These are generally quiet activities in the literal sense, but a quiet Christmas for you might be metaphorical. The term “quiet” simply refers to an inner posture which comes from focusing on what matters to you. (I write a bit more on inner silence here.) As a way to resist the rush of holiday sales, long lines, and seasonal anxiety, here are a few ideas to slow down in the coming weeks:

• Celebrate the four weeks of Advent. We’ve just lit Advent’s third candle and by all accounts, it’s never too late to join in the waiting.
• Send family photos or cards after December 25th. Some unspoken rule has us all to believe we’re to send cards before the holidays arrive. Alternatively, forget the rules and send cards to your beloveds on St. John’s day when we honor the beloved disciple.
• Gradually set up Christmas decorations. Over the course of Advent, slowly set up any meaningful decorations. For example, set up a partial nativity scene. Exclude the manger or Christ figure until Christmas day.
• Purchase or make meaningful gifts. Where possible, shop for gifts from ethical retailers or small businesses. Get creative with gift wrap or other reusable options, like tea towels or scarves.
• Open a gift each day of Christmastide. Extend Christmas joy by opening a gift or sharing a holiday experience once per each day of Christmastide. Holiday experiences might include baking cookies, singing carols, visiting outdoor lights, or other family traditions. Last year I set up a hot chocolate bar on the counter.
• Embrace sacred leisure. What postures, environments, or relationships give you rest? Traditions can be “decide once” activities or practices that cut down on decision fatigue. They can also go stale. If that’s happened to you, embrace holiday rhythms that spiritually or physically feed you in your particular context, even if this means keeping things real simple or playful.
• Stay open to change. White knuckling your expectations for the holidays (or parenting or your five year plan, etc.) is a recipe for heartache. Christmas is centered on the very idea we can find light in unexpected places.

Twelve Days of Christmas

The following list includes the principal and secondary feast days within the twelve days of Christmastide. Worldwide, there are so many traditions and activities to partake in and learn from. Here’s one (German) example.

• Christmas Day (December 25) celebrates the birth of Jesus.
• Christmastide (December 25-January 5) is a liturgical season that represents the journey the magi took to visit the holy family.
• St. Stephen’s Day (December 26) honors the first martyr, Stephen.
• St. John’s Day (December 27) honors the beloved disciple, John.
• Feast of the Holy Innocents (December 28) remembers the children killed by the order of King Herod as he searched for Jesus.
• Feast of the Holy Name of Jesus (January 1) celebrates the name given to Christ.

How do you hope to celebrate Christmastide this year?