Spiritual Hospitality within Spiritual Direction

When describing spiritual direction and companionship, I usually mention the term spiritual hospitality. Though not original to me, I love how this phrase captures a sense of preparation, care, and attention towards another person.

Spiritual hospitality is the act of listening in a way that creates a sacred, safe space for another. This applies to the physical environment, but even more importantly, it applies to the inner thought life of the spiritual director, too. As they listen, directors must set aside whatever limits their ability to hold the words or presence of the other person. Naturally, listening can occur during a conversation, but it can also happen during silence, too.

Being heard without judgement or shame is an incredible gift to receive from anyone, whether they are a trained companion or not. In fact, I am very adamant that anyone can practice this form of listening. If you listen without an intent to prove, fix, or change and if you listen with openness and care, you are setting the table, per se, for a sacred conversation. Other elements of sacred hospitality include:

• A dedicated time and space
• Openness to the Spirit
• Listening with curiosity
• Trust between parties
• Setting aside assumptions or personal opinions
• Asking open ended questions
• Allowing room for silence within the conversation
• Keeping distractions to a minimum (environmental noise, checking your phone, creating a grocery list in your head, etc.)

There is a weighty responsibility tied to spiritual hospitality. This is why it is important that spiritual directors are trained. Just as you seek to provide the appropriate space and accommodations for any houseguest, spiritual directors are equipped to posture themselves in an ethical way as directees share their story.

It’s important to be clear. Spiritual direction is a common way to refer to this form of hospitality, yet it’s a bit ironic. There are no directives given. No guidance or advice is offered. Instead, spiritual directors make observations, ask questions, and may lead different forms of prayer. This is why many refer to themselves as companions.

In almost all cases, the terms direction and companionship can be used interchangeably. Companionship connotes a stronger sense of the egalitarian relationship between the two parties. It also removes the impression that the director will offer any guidance. I use this term often and deeply appreciate the message it conveys. And yet, I still use the terms direction, director, and directee for two reasons: focus and accountability.

Focus in Spiritual Hospitality

In the context of spiritual direction, it is important to understand the specific focus of spiritual hospitality. The director is the one providing space and presence for the directee. This is a one way focus. This allows the session to focus solely on their unique story. It would not be appropriate for the directee to hold that space for the director since the purpose of the session is the spiritual walk of the directee. Spiritual directors and companions see their own directors to care for themselves.

A Spiritual Director’s Accountability

I use the terms director and directee to not only note the difference between each role, but also to hold myself accountable. The vocation of spiritual companionship is a sacred space that holds truth-telling, personal stories, and vulnerable questions. As one who offers the spiritual hospitality professionally, I’m held to a high standard. Spiritual directors have a code of ethics and agree to conduct themselves with integrity in their work. I’m also expected to identify the lines between spiritual direction and mental health counseling and pastoral care. Making this distinction prevents mishandling someone’s story.

Though I’m hesitant to promise any kind of results, I have personal experience receiving and offering spiritual hospitality and know this posture can offer incredible healing. It is an important skill for spiritual directors, but also for anyone else interested in fostering sacred conversations.

I’m curious! How have you experienced spiritual hospitality?