Valuable Books for Writing a Rule of Life
Books and resources abound on the practice of writing a rule (or rhythm) of life, and yet many well known resources are written with Christian jargon. While they can certainly be insightful, their religious tone can be a distraction, especially to survivors of religious trauma and those who have shifted significantly in their faith expression. This can be frustrating for someone who wants explore the practice and dodge the Christianese.
These five particular books have valuable potential to support the creation of a rule or rhythm with significantly less Christian jargon. The authors cover concepts of time, time “management”, belonging and community, traditions and rituals, and as Kendra Adachi says, naming what matters. Writing a rule of life is centered on these very concepts, whether they are grounded in the Christian tradition or not.
While I found these authors to have incredible wisdom and practical tools, I want to make two important notes. These books will not describe how to create a rule of life step by step. Instead, they offer ideas I believe will shape how you write and live into your rule. Additionally, it can be assumed the authors have some religious background and may include a touch of spiritual language, but it is very gentle and not overly evangelical in nature.
The Lazy Genius: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done by Kendra Adachi
After reading through the Lazy Genius Collective group on Facebook and listening to the podcast, I knew I needed to find a copy of Kendra’s book. (I may have actually jumped for joy when it came in the mail.) Even with a foundational knowledge of her Lazy Genius principles, this book was a practical encouragement that developed those principles into suggested action items.
Every single one of the 13 Lazy Genius principles speak to writing a rule of life — Name What Matters, Decide Once, Let People In, Build the Right Routines, Schedule Rest and the list goes on. I immediately set out to revise my own rhythm of life after reading it. I was inspired not because I found ways to get things done, but because I was able to think differently (and more simply) about what matters to me.
“We need a filter that allows us to craft a life focusing only on what matters to us, not on what everyone else says should matter. My friend, welcome to the Lazy Genius Way… Here’s your new mantra: be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don’t…to you.”
― Kendra Adachi
Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman
Each chapter of this book gave me so much to think about. I listened to the audio book while on a stroller walk, hoping to make the most of my time… whatever that means. I wrote in a recent newsletter that Oliver’s words were a necessary ice bath. We have 4,000 weeks (a very approximate estimate) to live our life. What we do with that limited time is not always in our control, and even worse, we won’t get to do or be everything we hope to. Fortunately, the author sees those realities as positive foundations on which to live. He encourages his readers to live outside of “hustle” culture that perpetuates the myth our worth is tied to what we produce. This is a book I need to revisit already.
“There is a very down-to-earth kind of liberation in grasping that there are certain truths about being a limited human from which you’ll never be liberated. You don’t get to dictate the course of events. And the paradoxical reward for accepting reality’s constraints is that they no longer feel so constraining.”
— Oliver Burkeman
The Power of Ritual: Turning Everyday Activities into Soulful Practices by Casper ter Kuile
As someone who did not know anything about Hogwarts growing up, I was delighted to learn about Casper’s Harry Potter and The Sacred Text podcast in the first chapter or so of this book. Essentially, the podcast began by two hosts believing the Harry Potter books could be read using lectio divina. It blew my mind. Casper goes on to suggest that sacred reading and a regular sabbath practice are two rituals we should hold on to, even when our childhood faith shifts.
He goes on to address the stereotypes of tradition and breathes a fresh perspective into the impact of keeping rituals. His work draws upon a beautifully inclusive spiritual well of wisdom. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. It solidified my love of ritual and encouraged me to play with traditions.
“We just need to be clear about our intention (what are we inviting into this moment?), bring it our attention (coming back to being present in this moment), and make space for repetition (coming back to this practice time and again). In this way, rituals make the invisible connections that make life meaningful, visible.”
— Casper ter Kuile
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz
This particular book came highly recommended. Even so, I didn’t like it. However, I’m including it on this list because I’m confident in it’s ability to be transformative for the right person. The author discusses four important commitments that help one grow in their journey. These commitments are: Be Impeccable With Your Word, Don’t Take Anything Personally, Don’t Make Assumptions, and Always Do Your Best.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t disagree with any of the proposed agreements. I think they are solid pieces of advice, but somewhere along the way Don lost me. Maybe I caught this one at the wrong time. I’m hopeful it will be of use to those who can resonate with the author’s approach to personal freedom.
“Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.”
— Don Miguel Ruiz
How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by KC Davis
Writing a rule of life isn’t solely focused on housework, but domestic responsibilities do contribute to health outcomes and can enhance or break down our quality of life. In this book, author KC Davis, a therapist, parent, and person in recovery from addiction, calls these responsibilities care tasks. Though they look different for everyone, they are tasks that keep us functioning. Davis’ approach is truly gentle and nonjudgemental.
She reframes what’s truly necessary in a functional home. A spotless kitchen and folded laundry are among the first to go — for her. She also ditches the idea that having a perfectly clean home is a matter of morals. Instead, she focuses on helping her readers identify what works for them, in their house, with their needs. Her suggestions are really practical: 5 steps for cleaning a room, opening and closing duties, tips for neurodivergent folks, and plenty of specific “permission slips” to prioritize shame-free care of self, family, and home.
I’m curious to know if any of these books resonated with you. What books should be added to this list?
